Category Archives: Opinion/Editorial

Dr. Doug King sent along this snippet of wisdom taken from Clinical Microbiology Bugs & Drugs written by Thea Brennan-Krohn:”When it comes to diagnostic testing, more is not always better. It has been said that ordering a lab test is like picking your nose in public. You should not do it unless you have a plan for what to do with the results.”

This week’s quote comes from Dr. Judi Bell, retiring JSHAP editor. While reflecting on her experience working with a certain AASV staff member (whose lack of attention to detail is only eclipsed by his procrastination) she noted, “he writes really interesting articles. I just wish he did it for a different publication.” Hey, wait a minute! I think I resemble that remark. We’ll miss you Judi.

While standing in the dessert line at this year’s AASV Annual Meeting in San Diego, one veterinarian was overheard saying, “It’s ok, I brought the spanx.” I think for my own safety it’s best if the quote remains anonymous.

This week’s Doc Tales was sent in by Cpt. Maryn Ptaschinski while on Army duty in preparation for her unit’s upcoming deployment. She came to the realization that, “you know your life has taken a strange turn when you find yourself sitting in a hotel room eating a tuna packet with 3 day-old celery that you cut up with a leatherman out of a plastic cup…And you actually think it’s okay.”

A recent economic analysis out of Cornell showed tremendous returns on investment for research in the swine industry — a 1% increase in farm production research increases producer profits by $10.76 million per year! In response to this report, a producer on the National Pork Board Swine Health Committee recently noted, “research is not as sexy as demand enhancement, but we deliver.”

In another in our “out-of-the-mouths-of-babes” series comes this gem from Dr. Wesley Lyons. He relates the following story from church just before Christmas: During the service of Lessons and Carols, many members of the church were taking turns reading the Christmas story. Two young girls around 6-8 years old were teaming up to read the story of Gabriel announcing to Mary that she was to give birth to our Savior. As one little girl was reading the story, she read Mary’s surprised part, “But how can this be?! For I am a VEGAN!”

If you’re in search of life lessons, here are a couple from Dr. Paul Armbrecht’s 98 year-old father: “Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment!!” “Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in!!”

Last week’s Doc Tales recounting an “out of the mouths of babes” story apparently struck home with a number of you. I received the following stories from prominent members of our association and thought them worthy of a second edition in this series. In the first anecdote, our AASV member and proud mother of a young daughter recounted her experience on a recent Easter Sunday. She describes sitting in the sanctuary when the pastor called for all the little kids to come up to the front of the church to receive a special Easter message. As the children gathered, the pastor stepped down from the pulpit and approached Dr. Ida Died’s 3 year old. Squatting down in front of the beaming little girl, the pastor called her by name and said, “my what a beautiful dress that is you have on.” To which, the precious child replied into the microphone, “thank you. My mom says it’s a b***h to iron.” In another story, our member’s beloved 6 year old daughter (what is it with little girls?) attended her father’s clinic Christmas party and promptly announced to those gathered that her father “leaves his empty beer bottles by the bed all the time!”

A quote for New Year’s Day: “It’s not a hangover, it’s wine flu.”

Dr. Shamus Brown related the following “Christmas” tale. “I was at the ISU CVM yesterday talking with one of the bovine practitioners and asked how his own cattle were doing. His reply was, “well, unlike another colleague of mine, the rendering company did NOT send me a gallon of fine whiskey for Christmas so I guess okay.” Merry Christmas from Doc Tales and send me your funny holiday stories (Snelson@aasv.org).